This is it--the answer I was looking for.
Father Mike completely nailed it in his Homily for The Epiphany of the Lord. It's so weird that he talked about this today (as I write this) and I feel as though God worked through him to answer my heart's aching.
Last night in prayer I was asking God how I could love him better and what sacrifice I could give to be closer to him. Jesus gave his body to us, so how can I give him my body as well? How do I give him the ultimate gift of myself? I became somewhat distressed and started sobbing.
I asked,
"How can I love you, really love you?
How can I be closer?
How can I sacrifice for you? What can I give of myself to you?
How can I be a gift to you?
How can I be your bread and your wine?"
I did feel Christ comfort me and address me as "My daughter, my sister, my wife".
Then today, this homily about sacrifice really hit me hard. God has asked us to worship him, and Worship--the heart of what it is to love God--is SACRIFICE.
What is our sacrifice? Mass. That is our literal sacrifice. "The point of mass is to offer the sacrifice of the son of God to the father." (To love God.)
"Jesus is not just the priest who offers the sacrifice, he IS the sacrifice that's offered. And so are you."
"Lord make of us an eternal offering to you. Make of us an eternal oblation to you. Let us be--our lives--be a gift."-- this is it! I'm floored at how my question was answered right here. It was right there under my nose, and I never knew... or I just didn't realize.
I'm very grateful for God speaking his truth through others in this way. I worry sometimes that people may see me as disingenuous in seeking closeness with the Lord (or even worse, that I doubt my own genuineness or intentions), but I know it's just the enemy trying to instill doubt through desolation. I've always had God's light inside me. Hence, the name "Nehara" that Jesus spoke to me audibly many years ago... It's an Aramaic female name meaning "Light". (I wrote briefly about how it came to me HERE.)
Give God access to all of yourself. Share with him your hopes, your fears, your love and your weaknesses. He wants to know you, too. May we strive to be like Jesus, and may our life, our sacrifices, and suffering unite us to him, as one flesh.
Lovely thoughts. Sometimes I feel so far from God. When I went to daily mass about 5 years ago I didn’t. Then I stopped. Great analysis and a quite simple solution.
ReplyDelete