"This is the Eleventh Hour" (Plus A Prayer Request)

Quite a few months ago, I was awakened from sleep by an audible message--a man's voice saying, "This is the eleventh hour." Although a common idiom, it does have biblical significance and I feel we are truly going through this "11th hour", not only in our personal lives but in the world as a whole. Biblically, it marks the confused and disorganized time before 12, when Christ will return as King of kings. 

I spoke to my father today for the first time in a while. We are not close, but we are on good terms and we're at least friendly acquaintances. This is the same man who, if you don't already know, cheated on my mom and left when I was 5, pursuing life as a bodybuilder, Chippendale dancer and model. He was also a used car salesman for much of his life. So naturally, talking to him is usually a one-way street and it's always difficult to get a word in edgewise.

This past Christmas, he revealed to me through text message his plan to go overseas to Iraq, being offered a large sum of money by a friend of his to do some kind of work there. This was the most idiotic thing I've ever heard him say. He's not exactly the shining example of good decision-making. Plus, he's 65 years old. He struggled financially all his life and his life has been hard for him in general. Most of his decisions are either motivated by money or some other selfish endeavor. This is no different. He has lost almost everyone in his life--family and friends--and all he has left is me. He actually said on the phone... "You're it", meaning I am all he has left. He realizes this and he is scared of his looming demise. He's scared about what little money he will have after his retirement and he's ready to book it to the middle east, instead of trying to mend things with family. I'm "It", and yet it's still not enough to stay. So, he's going to leave me yet again. I even extended the opportunity for him to move from Florida to Utah, where I'm currently caring for my mother, in a house that has extra rooms.  He dodged any further discussion on that and launched into more complaining and woe. He has the choice to choose love, once again, and to make a choice of humbleness and to live simply. But I fear that this is his last opportunity. This really is the eleventh hour, and for his soul, I fear it most certainly is. The last time I implored someone, unsuccessfully, to not close their heart off from love (a former seminarian in his late 50's, who was also my instructor in massage school), he had a heart attack and died about a year later. 

I don't really know how to get through to my father and I have a hard time speaking to him. Most of the time I stay very quiet when we speak, unless he pushes a particular button and I get angry. Lol. He does know of the sacrifices I have made in my life recently for my mom, and he has seen in the last year, a huge difference in me. He mentioned a spark was lit under me and he can see I am living life as the best version of myself. I have God to thank for that, fully. It has made an impression on him. But I need God's help with dealing with my father. I can't even contextualize my thoughts into words when it comes to speaking to him. I so often just start to say something but then shut down. He has an answer for everything and an excuse. It's easier to just stay quiet. But I really can't let him do this. To some extent, he's going to just do what he wants to do, at his own peril. I will ask him one more time to open his heart... and perhaps he will make a choice with a heart that's open to mending. Open to love. A heart that is like Christ's.  Please pray for him, and for me.