Sour Boy Pie

I once lifted my eyes
To see a great gap in the sky
There was a place for me
A path so clear and luminous
The ache faded away for a while--that dark and empty hole inside
But now it’s calling me back
And it’s begging to eat up all that was my light

I probably would have come to hate you
You probably would have gotten bored
I probably would have laid beside you, feeling all alone
I probably would have cried in the dark
While you were turned the other way
It wouldn’t have ended well, no not at all

The light was never yours, it was always my own
Reflecting off of you
I couldn’t see through
All the smoke to see you’re just my mirror
You saw just what you wanted to see
I didn’t really see you, all along it was me

Down, you hide
Down, inside
Behind a mask
There’s no need for truth
There’s no need for promises.
There’s no need for reasons why
There’s no need to say goodbye

I probably would have come to hate you
You probably would have gotten bored
I probably would have laid beside you, feeling all alone
I probably would have cried in the dark
While you were turned the other way
It wouldn’t have ended well, no not at all

(You never stole anything  of mine
I’ve had my slice of  sour boy pie
I’ve got my bottle of wine
The moon and I will be lovers tonight )

Cosmic Whisper

I heard you whisper in my ear a thousand years ago
In a dream
Set in motion
All I had to do was find you

Felt a tugging at my core
And followed will and wind
Rode the spiral to the end
I was wrong again

With billions of galaxies beyond the milky way
How naive to think that my emotions are significant in any way
In the great expanses of space...
But I still can’t see your face.

We’re all so broken
But I’m not as broken as you
The pain is like an old familiar friend
A late-night bed guest
Coming around to climb inside from time to time

After a while, I miss his taste
I learn to like his
icy embrace
He feeds on my tears and
I feed on...
I feed on the rage

With billions of galaxies beyond the milky way
How naive to think that my emotions are significant in any way
In the great expanses of space...
But I still can’t see your face.

Seeking to find a soul similar to my own
Searching for mirrors
Always finding my shadow
No matter how many times I’m spurned
I refuse to build a wall

Red lights are flashing but I walk on through
Barriers are all around but I still go to you
The flag is waving, but I can’t see clearly
Strike me down and make me crumble
I still haven’t learned

With billions of galaxies beyond the milky way
How naive to think that my emotions are significant in any way
In the great expanses of space...
But I still can’t see your face.

Lyrics Experiment

The Icelandic band Sigur Ros is known for their use of "Vonlenska" in many of their songs, which describes the unintelligible lyrics sung by the band. Although the lyrics are gibberish, I can't help but still hear words that speak to me, personally.

Sometimes the grammar doesn't really even make sense, but in a weird way... it does.

Try listening to the song and see what you can interpret from it. Then, compare it to the "lyrics" that I wrote down here. I'd like to see interpretations other than my own. :)

*These lyrics were my first interpretation of the song... When I hear it now, I can barely hear the "desire" part... not sure what it sounds like now. ("Is I all" ?)



(Untitled) 4 - Sigur Ros

Desire
Is I enough at all?
Desire
Is I enough at all?
Desire

Desire
Is I enough, alone?
Desire
Is I enough, alone?
Desire

Your Soul...

Desire
is I enough at all?
Desire
is I enough alone?
Desire

Is I love, Is I alone, Is I enough at all?

Your soul
Your soul
Ooh
Your soul
You silent missed-
desire
ooh
your soul, be silent now
your soul
your silent
your soul
you silent (moment)
you and only you
your soul, be silent now
your soul
your soul
your soul is all I want
you and only you
your soul


------------------------------------------------

I also interpreted the song IG?R



IG?R - Sigur Ros

Down, you're writhin'
You writhe
Down, you're writhin'
You writhe
Down, you're writhin'
You writhe
Down, you're right, Love
You're right
You silent sound
You're right, you know
You're right
You're I know
Down, you're right, alone
You're right
Down, you're right, Love
You'll run
Down, you're alone
You're all alone
You, you're silent
You're love.
You're right, and down
You're I want
You're all I want
You're all I want
You're all
You're all
You're all I know.

The Journey

The weekend of Halloween, my best friend Rachel and I decided to go on a little "journey", with the help of some friends of ours who happened to be mushrooms.

I had never done mushrooms before, so I wasn't sure what to expect, but I found that I felt more myself than ever.  I normally tend to see the flow of everything and the interconnectedness of everything and all energy anyway. I seem to sense things and see things in ways that many other people normally aren't cognizant of in their every day lives. During my trip, there were many moments of profundity and sage-like postulations about the universe etc., which is quite common to the conversations Rachel and I normally have. We were definitely more connected--directly connected--and on the same wavelength. Completely comfortable... the same person almost. I was aware of everything and had no doubts about anything. I just knew. I didn't think, I knew. It's as if the Universe opened up to me, and I could see everything through that crack in the sky.  I could see a clear path, which pointed straight to my purpose and direction.  I knew exactly what I wanted, from simple moment-to-moment things to bigger, long-term things. There was also a childlike, simplistic view of the world. It was kind of pure and everything flowed with no worries, no pain... just happy, wide-eyed wonderment.

It was quite hilarious because since it was cold that night, we were both walking around with blankets draped over our shoulders, which enhanced our feeling like little gurus while we were talking about deep subjects.
 
I find myself now with a sense of longing. I am craving something (and I don't know what), but it's not food or drink or material possessions.  I felt so close to something so much bigger than my everyday self, and now it's just sort of fading away.
 
It's hard to really explain some of the things that I saw and felt and knew as truths. One of the things that happened was a sort of revelation while listening to the live version of "Pushit" by Tool, off of the Salival album.  I experienced something kind of interesting. It's hard to explain, but I want you to try to feel what I'm saying, not just hear it. It's kind of important to know when listening to those lyrics that Maynard was sexually abused by his step-father when he was about 11.   As I was lying there just immersing myself in the song, I felt what he felt. I was there in that dark place. HIS dark place (it wasn't my own anymore). I felt hate, anger, rage, power, disgust, sickness, pain and shame.  I was both him and his step-father. Then, I realized I WAS that dark place. I was the darkness and the light. I was the hand that caressed him when he crawled inside that dark hole to hide.... The hand that clasped his in comfort. I was the hand, and I was everything...everywhere...and I saw all. The universe opened up to me.  Everything culminated and condensed down to one thing. This one thing was symbolic, and what I saw was (him?)... shrinking down to a fetal position and this image of a fetus is where everything ended (and began). When I tried telling Rachel about some of this, she told me that what she saw BEGAN with the image in the fetal position. I thought that was pretty interesting.  Kinda cool.  It's really hard to explain it all through language. Language seems so meaningless.