Tuesday, June 20, 2023
"We Planted Roses in the Garden of Gethsemane"
A Sanctified Heart
I'll be honest, I have been struggling lately with this. I have been single now for over a year and a half and I am adamant about doing things right this time in my life. I pray that God uses me as he sees fit and that my will conforms to his. I may be single for a long time and I may never be called to marriage, even.
Ultimately, I feel in my soul that no matter the depths a man could possibly reach--physically or emotionally--nothing could fill me and satisfy my deepest longings in my heart but Jesus.
Yes, I have been hurt. I have allowed my body and emotions to be misused. My heart has been broken more times than I can count and by all means, I should be bitter. My heart should be hardened by experience. It should be as withered as my tired soul feels...but it's not. Every day I wake up with a new opportunity to be closer to Christ and to love with the same heart Christ loves. Not just hoping my heart can or will be like his, but to know my heart is one with his. Flesh of my flesh. It already IS his heart, I just have to use it the way Jesus would. And you know what? Maybe I'm a little different, but it doesn't feel too hard to do. I like to think that even though age has taken its toll, and has taken my body with it, I have released myself from the usage my flesh had experienced. Jesus has healed my wounds and purified me. This sanctification happened not only in my body, but in my heart... anew everyday with the ability to Love unabashedly and recklessly. Time has given me wisdom, but has not used me up.
"There's still life in the old lady, yet!!" - Lestat, Interview with the Vampire
Saturday, June 17, 2023
The Power of Belief - A Dream of Jesus
I made a painting in my dream, trying to depict this interaction with Jesus. My ex, jealous, took the painting, and in a drunken rage, threw it into the ocean. I was distraught. I feel like this dream not only symbolized the remarkable power of belief in faith, but it was also accurate in how my ex actually drew me further away from God. I had been questioning whether I should give that relationship another chance. Here is my answer. Crystal clear and no confusion.
(The image was *almost* like this in my painting, but I had to reach up out of the water, as I saw his hand on the other side, rather than him reaching through the watery veil. I had to do the work and extend my belief to meet him on the other side.)
Tuesday, June 6, 2023
The Almost Love
We get so close
A taste of what is real
Bound to this fallen world
Show me another kingdom
Speak to my skin the language of creation
With your fingertips
Deep in my bones
Screaming Yes from every pore
All that I am and ever have been
All that I will be
Opens before you
Not to take, but to set free
Surrender infinity
Into this eternal womb
Rouse in me the almost Love
Let’s taste the other side of death
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