"We Planted Roses in the Garden of Gethsemane"

We Planted Roses in the Garden of Gethsemane

Outside of time

A promise, and a symbol of what is to come

A sacrifice, fulfilled

Tears enriched the soil forevermore

inside your heart, the garden now dwells

the seeds we planted, you and I

Now a whisper to your heart

We Planted Roses in the Garden of Gethsemane

While the flesh is weak

Strong are the petals

awake with me in the night

Stay, awake with me

My Rose

I am forever in your heart.

(This poem is a love letter whispered to my heart from Jesus.) 

**Last night, while praying before sleep, I asked the Lord for help with something and called upon the Holy Spirit. These words came to me slowly and clearly: "We planted roses in the garden of Gethsemane". I'm not sure what it means, but it gives me a sense of peace. I'll understand soon. 🌹❤️

A Sanctified Heart

Since the past few sections of the Catechism are focusing on marriage, many people might find themselves experiencing pain and woundedness. You might be alone and waiting on God to show you the next step. This is as much of a reminder to me as it is to all of you to not give up. Keep your trust in God and let Him walk with you. Let Him into your broken heart. He calls like a wind in the cracks of your heart, yearning for your need. Don't allow your heart to be hardened. Let Him give you a heart that is soft and made of flesh. As Father Mike recently said, "Your story isn't over yet. God Loves you."

I'll be honest, I have been struggling lately with this. I have been single now for over a year and a half and I am adamant about doing things right this time in my life. I pray that God uses me as he sees fit and that my will conforms to his. I may be single for a long time and I may never be called to marriage, even. 

Ultimately, I feel in my soul that no matter the depths a man could possibly reach--physically or emotionally--nothing could fill me and satisfy my deepest longings in my heart but Jesus.

Yes, I have been hurt. I have allowed my body and emotions to be misused. My heart has been broken more times than I can count and by all means, I should be bitter. My heart should be hardened by experience. It should be as withered as my tired soul feels...but it's not. Every day I wake up with a new opportunity to be closer to Christ and to love with the same heart Christ loves. Not just hoping my heart can or will be like his, but to know my heart is one with his. Flesh of my flesh. It already IS his heart, I just have to use it the way Jesus would. And you know what? Maybe I'm a little different, but it doesn't feel too hard to do. I like to think that even though age has taken its toll, and has taken my body with it, I have released myself from the usage my flesh had experienced. Jesus has healed my wounds and purified me. This sanctification happened not only in my body, but in my heart... anew everyday with the ability to Love unabashedly and recklessly. Time has given me wisdom, but has not used me up. 

"There's still life in the old lady, yet!!" - Lestat, Interview with the Vampire 

The Power of Belief - A Dream of Jesus

Last night I had a dream that I was in the ocean and I kept dunking myself under the water. This could be because we were talking about baptism in the catechism recently. As I was submerged under the water, I opened my eyes and looked up. I saw a hand reaching toward me above the water. I knew there wasn’t really a hand there. But I thought to myself, if I believed that Jesus’ hand was really reaching to me, that I could grab onto his hand. So, I believed it was there and I reached up and I grabbed a hand. I was overwhelmed with joy and excitement. 

I made a painting in my dream, trying to depict this interaction with Jesus. My ex, jealous, took the painting, and in a drunken rage, threw it into the ocean. I was distraught. I feel like this dream not only symbolized the remarkable power of belief in faith, but it was also accurate in how my ex actually drew me further away from God. I had been questioning whether I should give that relationship another chance. Here is my answer. Crystal clear and no confusion.

(The image was *almost* like this in my painting, but I had to reach up out of the water, as I saw his hand on the other side, rather than him reaching through the watery veil. I had to do the work and extend my belief to meet him on the other side.)

The Almost Love

Rouse in me the almost Love

We get so close 

A taste of what is real

Bound to this fallen world

Show me another kingdom 

Speak to my skin the language of creation 

With your fingertips 

Deep in my bones

Screaming Yes from every pore

All that I am and ever have been

All that I will be

Opens before you

Not to take, but to set free

Surrender infinity

Into this eternal womb 

Rouse in me the almost Love

Let’s taste the other side of death