Softening my Heart...

God has been working so deeply on my heart in so many ways over this past year. I've learned a lot from my job doing recreational therapy with elderly dementia sufferers. When things got tough and I nearly left, I realized this is where God wanted me to be. I stuck it out and found a deeper joy in what I do and a stronger connection with those in my care. When a new coworker came on board, I thought I could never get along well with someone with her personality. She talked soooo much. Haha. I have always been more of an introvert. One day, she injured her knee pretty badly, and as a massage therapist with a genuine desire to help heal others, I got down on my knees on the tile floor in our little back office and massaged her knee. I ran across to the other side of the entire facility to get her some crutches from the PT gym and brought her ice packs, too. From then on, I opened my heart more to her and now I realize that I am often talking my head off to her! (I see what you did there, God!) I'm so grateful to be able to recognize these blessings and receive them from God into my life.

Desire for the Consuming Fire

Feelings and Imitation

Feelings are fleeting and can't be trusted when making big decisions, but they can be amazing tools to reveal to us our own hearts. If we know how to look into them and decode them, we can learn a lot about our desires and make better decisions. 

Imitation is indeed the highest form of flattery. As humans, we love to imitate and that is terrific. If that which we are imitating is good and true and beautiful, and we have grown enough to be drawn to emulate that instead of chasing after shadows (the shadow self that we see in others) in an attempt to alleviate our own damages, we are coming closer to imitating Christ.

My feelings reveal what I am drawn to and what my heart actually desires. I am so grateful to be drawn to that which is good and true and beautiful now. I can spot those qualities in others, and I can fall in love with good and truth and beauty, itself. I am, in fact, getting closer and closer to the perfected love that God is worthy of. However, none of us will likely reach that perfected Love while we are here. He is molding my heart in many ways that only He knows how. 

I find in myself desires that can be found here on this earth, and also some that cannot. I desire to be close to God's heart. For him to reveal his heart to me. I desire to BE those qualities that I find attractive and that I want to emulate. To become that which is true and good and beautiful so that I can draw that to myself. I desire a partner who can fulfill the desires of my human heart in ways that are not the same as what God alone can satisfy. I am truly present here in my body, and I desire another body to "burn" with in a consuming Love of God.

Enter into my fire

Envelop me in Love

To consume and be consumed

I hunger to serve

And to taste

My Sweet God to me:

Come you and seek peace in the heart of my fury

Your broken heart I’ll set ablaze

In all my glory, all my rage

Upon you in your darkest hour--

the white purifying fire of my loving gaze.

My love, consume me

As my love consumes you.

Come close and taste my wild flame.

CIY Day 275 - Superstition, Idolatry and Magic

CIY Day 275 - Superstition, Idolatry and Magic

Super interesting topics today!

One thing that made me think was the idea of superstition and how it relates to "magical thinking" in the OCD brain. My aunt has really bad OCD. I have it to some degree, although I don't get consumed by fear. The thoughts come, but I mostly know they are irrational and most likely my brain's need to create a stressful situation out of habit and possibly the need for control. Something silly like a traffic light might trigger a thought like, "If the turn arrow is still green when I'm turning, then (THIS) will happen", or some other nonsense If/Then scenario. Maybe I'll get a little anxiety, or my heart rate will quicken, and I'll try to make the light "or else". LOL. But I know these thoughts are irrational, and yet sometimes I can't control them. Does this really count as superstition? It's not quite the same as having "lucky underwear". Haha.

Much of my life, I was very spiritual but very misguided. I did have some gifts which I felt fit best in the area of psychic/mediumship because I was unaware of the church’s teachings on charisms. I’ve had spirits visit me in dreams, and I’ve experienced a sexual interaction with a spirit (which I go into a little more detail HERE.). I do not condone this and realize at this point, that as loving and beautiful as it seemed at the time and as “special” as it made me feel, ultimately this experience was demonic. I fully regret the experience and I advise everyone against engaging in it. I also dabbled in shamanism (with the intent of healing others and vision questing). I never put both feet into anything in that area, though, and always kept a good, level head on my shoulders. I felt that Jesus always kept me from going too far into anything that would harm my soul. I was raised Catholic; baptized and confirmed, but strayed for about 27 years before reverting.

😊 So grateful to come back home. ❤️

Now that I know more about charisms, I embrace my gifts in a whole new way and with discernment. Christ is the center of my focus and I often find it helpful to pray to the saints and archangels, especially Archangel Michael for protection. It's so amazing and powerful. None of that inferior magic drivel compares to the love of Christ and the power that His name has. Demons shiver and run away at the sign of the cross and speaking Jesus' name.

Someone recently recommended the book or training program "Unbound" to me. I'm probably going to check it out soon, as it could be super helpful, especially in the area of deliverance prayers.