A letter to myself: age 5

Little Nicole,

The people that are in your life right now might not always be around to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.  You are going to have to know, deep in your heart, that you are worth it.  And you are.  People get old, sometimes become ill, and pass away.  You have to be okay on your own and always remember that you have tremendous strength inside of you.  You are loved and you are complete on your own.

I’m so sorry.  I’m so very sorry. 

Someday, you will lose sight of your joy, your passions.  You will feel lost and alone sometimes.  Your heart will become slightly calcified and you will feel the need to learn to become cold.  People can be mean and hurtful, and they will make you feel bad about yourself.  People don’t always know how to love.  You will get hurt many times and you’ll find that people will not be capable of loving you with the same capacity that you are able to give.  No matter what, don’t lose sight of what you really want and what you deserve.  Keep that in your mind and heart always, and don’t let anyone take that away or make you feel that you deserve any less.  Don’t forget the things that give you the most joy.  What do you want to be more than anything?  What do you want to create all the time?  Don’t let anyone or anything make you feel that what you create isn’t good enough.  You ARE special.

I’m so sorry.

One day, you’ll be 27 years old, lying on your bed and crying.  But you can change things.  You can change them now. 

I’m not sure what happened, but it’s no one’s fault.  The world is a harsh and hurtful place.  Just remember to not forget.  Don’t let go of that happiness and wonderment.  Most of all, love yourself.  Let it shine through in everything you do, and never be scared to be who you truly are.  I’m sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you. 

~Nicole~

Coming Home

So close, yet never close enough
I want to crawl inside
Wrap myself within the warmth
Of this sanctifying light

I taste that familiar oneness I once felt
Each time my waves crash to the shore
This skin brings pleasures plenty
But I'm yearning to taste more

It calls me home
to a place that I remember
Reclaim sacred breath
Present in the heart center

Come, into full power
Come, hard enough for the angels to hear
Come, liberate me from all of my fears

Come, Home.