Day 1 of St. Michael's Lent - Resistance and Temptation

It's Day 1 of St. Michael's Lent and I'm already being struck hard by the evil one. Part of what I'm leaning into for my heart is remaining completely celibate during this time. I usually have a very high sex drive, and I'm no stranger to temperance, but I'm finding it harder than usual. In fact, it's quite ridiculous and overwhelming. To the point I know it's a temptation to throw me off.

I recently scoffed at the idea I could be celibate (a state of being) and while I do exercise chastity for the most part, I knew I could never choose celibacy as a way of life. This made me realize I have a particular resistance that begs some investigating. Perhaps I'm too attached to this urge/drive itself and the unwillingness to let it go. Perhaps I have a belief that my need is too strong. Or that I fear I could never do it (celibacy). Maybe because I think I have a weakness... and I do.

I would suggest that people do not throw stones here, because we are all sexual beings and to deny that is to deny our nature as God created us. This is an area of struggle for many people. I don't think it does anyone any good to not talk about things like this. Many of the saints struggled in the area of their sexuality. This just happens to be one of the things I'd like to experiment with having more control over. I don't feel victimized by my desires, nor guilty or anything. I just wish to be free from attachments, doubts, fears and resistance in my life.