Most of the nation is not only shocked by today's outcome of the lengthy and drawn out case against Casey Anthony, but emotionally drained as well. Some are downright sick of hearing about it, and some people are very angry that justice was not done for little Caylee Anthony. Rather than becoming emotional or angry or pointing fingers of blame, what can we learn about ourselves from the Casey Anthony trial?
What metaphor do you think this might reflect within ourselves?
Many metaphors can be derived from this, involving the concepts of truth and justice. In black and white, the most prevalent thing I see about the situation itself is that it represents a child, an innocent, being abused and killed and there is no accountability or responsibility being taken.
If the events of the outer world are energetic ripples of our inner state, what is this case in particular showing us about our inner states?
I know there is a part of myself that neglects and abuses the innocent child that exists within me. It happens over and over, yet never do I take responsibility to realize this abuse and stop it. It continues on and I keep GETTING AWAY WITH IT. It happens every time I cut myself down or degrade myself in little ways. Every time I lose faith in myself or fail to see my worth, when I don't feel I deserve something or when I feel I need to stop fantasizing and grow up. I deny the child, silence it, and keep it in a dark, enclosed place.
Can you think of any ways in which you might be abusing your inner child? Have you denied him/her? Have you pushed the child down into some unseen place or forgotten him or her? Are you currently punishing this child for some reason?
Are too many of us doing this without even realizing or caring? Can we begin fixing this? We need to get our minds right. Everything starts from within. "As within, so without".
The world is sick. It needs healing. Let's start within ourselves.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
A letter to myself: age 5
Little Nicole,
The people that are in your life right now might not always be around to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay. You are going to have to know, deep in your heart, that you are worth it. And you are. People get old, sometimes become ill, and pass away. You have to be okay on your own and always remember that you have tremendous strength inside of you. You are loved and you are complete on your own.
I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry.
Someday, you will lose sight of your joy, your passions. You will feel lost and alone sometimes. Your heart will become slightly calcified and you will feel the need to learn to become cold. People can be mean and hurtful, and they will make you feel bad about yourself. People don’t always know how to love. You will get hurt many times and you’ll find that people will not be capable of loving you with the same capacity that you are able to give. No matter what, don’t lose sight of what you really want and what you deserve. Keep that in your mind and heart always, and don’t let anyone take that away or make you feel that you deserve any less. Don’t forget the things that give you the most joy. What do you want to be more than anything? What do you want to create all the time? Don’t let anyone or anything make you feel that what you create isn’t good enough. You ARE special.
I’m so sorry.
One day, you’ll be 27 years old, lying on your bed and crying. But you can change things. You can change them now.
I’m not sure what happened, but it’s no one’s fault. The world is a harsh and hurtful place. Just remember to not forget. Don’t let go of that happiness and wonderment. Most of all, love yourself. Let it shine through in everything you do, and never be scared to be who you truly are. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.
~Nicole~
The people that are in your life right now might not always be around to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay. You are going to have to know, deep in your heart, that you are worth it. And you are. People get old, sometimes become ill, and pass away. You have to be okay on your own and always remember that you have tremendous strength inside of you. You are loved and you are complete on your own.
I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry.
Someday, you will lose sight of your joy, your passions. You will feel lost and alone sometimes. Your heart will become slightly calcified and you will feel the need to learn to become cold. People can be mean and hurtful, and they will make you feel bad about yourself. People don’t always know how to love. You will get hurt many times and you’ll find that people will not be capable of loving you with the same capacity that you are able to give. No matter what, don’t lose sight of what you really want and what you deserve. Keep that in your mind and heart always, and don’t let anyone take that away or make you feel that you deserve any less. Don’t forget the things that give you the most joy. What do you want to be more than anything? What do you want to create all the time? Don’t let anyone or anything make you feel that what you create isn’t good enough. You ARE special.
I’m so sorry.
One day, you’ll be 27 years old, lying on your bed and crying. But you can change things. You can change them now.
I’m not sure what happened, but it’s no one’s fault. The world is a harsh and hurtful place. Just remember to not forget. Don’t let go of that happiness and wonderment. Most of all, love yourself. Let it shine through in everything you do, and never be scared to be who you truly are. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.
~Nicole~
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Coming Home
So close, yet never close enough
I want to crawl inside
Wrap myself within the warmth
Of this sanctifying light
I taste that familiar oneness I once felt
Each time my waves crash to the shore
This skin brings pleasures plenty
But I'm yearning to taste more
It calls me home
to a place that I remember
Reclaim sacred breath
Present in the heart center
Come, into full power
Come, hard enough for the angels to hear
Come, liberate me from all of my fears
Come, Home.
I want to crawl inside
Wrap myself within the warmth
Of this sanctifying light
I taste that familiar oneness I once felt
Each time my waves crash to the shore
This skin brings pleasures plenty
But I'm yearning to taste more
It calls me home
to a place that I remember
Reclaim sacred breath
Present in the heart center
Come, into full power
Come, hard enough for the angels to hear
Come, liberate me from all of my fears
Come, Home.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Another "End of Days" dream. Kind of funny.
I had a dream about the end of days. Different races, people from all over the world… in one place. Like some abandoned warehouse or mall (perhaps it was an airport), with people clustered in groups, many of them naked and dancing… displaying their precisely-placed tattoos. There was a war going on, and all of these people were gathered together as some sort of rebellion… We knew that we were all gathered there for some great purpose. Higher consciousness.
There was a woman giving 5-minute healing sessions to each person from each group. I made a cynical remark about what a 5-minute session could do and the woman overheard and was going to not give me a session. I realized I was being negative and cynical and apologized. She quickly accepted my apology. I was also not wearing pants. A girl I used to know from my early high school days was there in my little group of people. People were getting high and taking substances. There was some guy next to me, sitting naked against a wall, talking to a couple of people about his tattoo (apparently it was a green lotus or something…actually tattooed around his asshole. LOL) He was lifting up his legs to show people, and he wasn’t very well-endowed.
Someone must have given me mushrooms in the dream. As I was waking up, I felt like I was chewing on a mushroom.
There was a woman giving 5-minute healing sessions to each person from each group. I made a cynical remark about what a 5-minute session could do and the woman overheard and was going to not give me a session. I realized I was being negative and cynical and apologized. She quickly accepted my apology. I was also not wearing pants. A girl I used to know from my early high school days was there in my little group of people. People were getting high and taking substances. There was some guy next to me, sitting naked against a wall, talking to a couple of people about his tattoo (apparently it was a green lotus or something…actually tattooed around his asshole. LOL) He was lifting up his legs to show people, and he wasn’t very well-endowed.
Someone must have given me mushrooms in the dream. As I was waking up, I felt like I was chewing on a mushroom.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Women, Yin essence and the mysterious complexity of the female ejaculation
The male species has long been baffled by the mystique of the female‘s sexual intricacies, most notably in the west. While studying anatomy and physiology in massage therapy school, I became curious as to where the fluid that is secreted through the urethra during female ejaculation actually comes from. I figured the fluids must not be stored in the bladder since the fluid is not urine, so I decided to do a little bit of research to find out exactly what was taking place physiologically. I compared both western and Taoist understandings.
The western medical understanding of this phenomenon is still somewhat shrouded in mystery and is the subject of much intrigue and speculation. There are, however, two main opinions on where it originates.
One opinion is that the female equivalent of the male prostate, the paraurethral or “skenes” glands, produce a clear, light fluid with similarities to semen when they are stimulated. Somewhere around 30 glands are embedded in the erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra, known as the urethral sponge. Stimulation to the Gräfenberg spot, commonly known as the “G-spot”, activates the glands to produce a fluid in the same way that stimulation to the male g-spot, or prostate, causes a secretion of fluid.
Another idea is that the kidneys release a substance into the bladder, which is an altered form of urine. The hormone aldosterone is thought to change the chemical composition of urine during sexual arousal. This idea provides a link between the western and Taoist understanding, where the kidneys store sexual chi (or Jing), and are thus responsible for creating these sexual secretions.
The understanding of female sexual energy according to Taoist sexology involves the concept of “Three Sacred Waters”.
This first water is released through stimulation of the “first gate”, otherwise known as the clitoris. This type of stimulation activates the paraurethral glands, which empty into the urethra, and the Skene’s glands, which have their openings on either side of the urethra.
The G-spot, which is the second gate, releases the second water. It is located about 1-3 inches inside the vagina on the upper anterior wall. It can be found by hooking a finger up toward the belly button and it is thought to be an extension of the clotoris. When this area is massaged, women often feel the sensation of a full bladder. This makes sense since during arousal, the kidneys produce ejaculate through the release of the hormone aldosterone into the bladder. A woman must be completely relaxed to experience the flow of this second water. Massage of this sacred spot can induce intense emotional reactions, but with an open, loving heart, it is possible for deep healing to occur as a result of it’s activation. Deep, guttural sounds and the activation of the voice/throat center helps to activate this gate. Some women have reported that it was easier to achieve female ejaculation and multiple orgasms when emitting deep resonant tones from the belly during orgasm. This might be due to stimulation of the vagus nerve, which goes from the cervix and uterus up through the abdomen and chest cavity, into the neck (innervating the voice box), and to the brain stem. It connects to all of our major energy centers (chakras), so when a woman engages her voice in sounds that come from deep within the belly, she opens herself up to experiencing intense levels of pleasure and high states of being.
The third water, which western research has not touched much on, involves the woman to experience very high levels of arousal (a level 6 or 7 orgasm) in order to release the fluid stored in the porosities of the uterine wall and vaginal lining. The reason western research hasn’t explored this yet is because many women never actually reach this deep stage of orgasm that Taoists have such an affinity for. The third gate, or epicenter, is located on the top of the anterior side of the cervix. The cervix contains many ducts that can be massaged skillfully with the fingers (sexual reflexology), toys or penis. Entering from behind allows better access to the cervix, and the Taoist technique of spiraling the sacrum proves to be much more ideal than just thrusting to activate this gate. Direct stimulation to this gate can lead to an intense opening of the heart, so trust is very important since feelings of love and vulnerability are often felt.
Women are YIN essence--Deep, mysterious and cooling as the waters, with the capacity for stillness and calm as well as wild turbulence. They possess the potential for vast and virtually inexhaustible pleasure, which far exceeds that of men. The power of feminine sexuality can be intimidating and even frightening, since they can create life within them, birthing a new soul from within their wombs, as well as the ability to tap into a boundless source of bliss. Unfortunately, many women have lost touch with their cool, fertile Yin essence and the divine feminine within. They have developed predominantly superficial Yang characteristics. The world demands “Yang” energy, which is characteristically very male in nature. Tough and rigid. Women often don’t value their Yin softness and therefore feel the need to be aggressive rather than loving.
It is only through love that we can unlock and access higher levels of our being and become magic workers. Love is the key. Our bodies are the doors, and through an unlocking, we can travel and move beyond the physical realm.
The western medical understanding of this phenomenon is still somewhat shrouded in mystery and is the subject of much intrigue and speculation. There are, however, two main opinions on where it originates.
One opinion is that the female equivalent of the male prostate, the paraurethral or “skenes” glands, produce a clear, light fluid with similarities to semen when they are stimulated. Somewhere around 30 glands are embedded in the erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra, known as the urethral sponge. Stimulation to the Gräfenberg spot, commonly known as the “G-spot”, activates the glands to produce a fluid in the same way that stimulation to the male g-spot, or prostate, causes a secretion of fluid.
Another idea is that the kidneys release a substance into the bladder, which is an altered form of urine. The hormone aldosterone is thought to change the chemical composition of urine during sexual arousal. This idea provides a link between the western and Taoist understanding, where the kidneys store sexual chi (or Jing), and are thus responsible for creating these sexual secretions.
The understanding of female sexual energy according to Taoist sexology involves the concept of “Three Sacred Waters”.
This first water is released through stimulation of the “first gate”, otherwise known as the clitoris. This type of stimulation activates the paraurethral glands, which empty into the urethra, and the Skene’s glands, which have their openings on either side of the urethra.
The G-spot, which is the second gate, releases the second water. It is located about 1-3 inches inside the vagina on the upper anterior wall. It can be found by hooking a finger up toward the belly button and it is thought to be an extension of the clotoris. When this area is massaged, women often feel the sensation of a full bladder. This makes sense since during arousal, the kidneys produce ejaculate through the release of the hormone aldosterone into the bladder. A woman must be completely relaxed to experience the flow of this second water. Massage of this sacred spot can induce intense emotional reactions, but with an open, loving heart, it is possible for deep healing to occur as a result of it’s activation. Deep, guttural sounds and the activation of the voice/throat center helps to activate this gate. Some women have reported that it was easier to achieve female ejaculation and multiple orgasms when emitting deep resonant tones from the belly during orgasm. This might be due to stimulation of the vagus nerve, which goes from the cervix and uterus up through the abdomen and chest cavity, into the neck (innervating the voice box), and to the brain stem. It connects to all of our major energy centers (chakras), so when a woman engages her voice in sounds that come from deep within the belly, she opens herself up to experiencing intense levels of pleasure and high states of being.
The third water, which western research has not touched much on, involves the woman to experience very high levels of arousal (a level 6 or 7 orgasm) in order to release the fluid stored in the porosities of the uterine wall and vaginal lining. The reason western research hasn’t explored this yet is because many women never actually reach this deep stage of orgasm that Taoists have such an affinity for. The third gate, or epicenter, is located on the top of the anterior side of the cervix. The cervix contains many ducts that can be massaged skillfully with the fingers (sexual reflexology), toys or penis. Entering from behind allows better access to the cervix, and the Taoist technique of spiraling the sacrum proves to be much more ideal than just thrusting to activate this gate. Direct stimulation to this gate can lead to an intense opening of the heart, so trust is very important since feelings of love and vulnerability are often felt.
Women are YIN essence--Deep, mysterious and cooling as the waters, with the capacity for stillness and calm as well as wild turbulence. They possess the potential for vast and virtually inexhaustible pleasure, which far exceeds that of men. The power of feminine sexuality can be intimidating and even frightening, since they can create life within them, birthing a new soul from within their wombs, as well as the ability to tap into a boundless source of bliss. Unfortunately, many women have lost touch with their cool, fertile Yin essence and the divine feminine within. They have developed predominantly superficial Yang characteristics. The world demands “Yang” energy, which is characteristically very male in nature. Tough and rigid. Women often don’t value their Yin softness and therefore feel the need to be aggressive rather than loving.
The divine feminine gives life. She breathes life into the lifeless and just
as there can be no light without darkness, life could not exist without
her. She is the unspeakable void. The womb from which all things in creation are born.
If we could all merge with her—men and women alike—we
would be merging with our own feminine within, and become whole. If only we knew what
we were capable of. If only we knew we
already had the key.
It is only through love that we can unlock and access higher levels of our being and become magic workers. Love is the key. Our bodies are the doors, and through an unlocking, we can travel and move beyond the physical realm.
Friday, August 13, 2010
A Message for Everyone: Rediscovering the World
This vision takes place on the same beach as in a couple of my previous visions. A place which I have lovingly named "Ascension Shore", after some lyrics from a Peter Murphy song. This place is what inspired the title of my blog. You can read about those two visions HERE.
"You ask so many questions", he said laughing as we walked together in the sand beside the shoreline of a radiant beach.
He took me to the shore where the ocean's waves were rippling over our feet. I kept trying to make out his face, but I couldn't see it clearly. His eyes, though, seemed to shift from a crystalline blue to turquoise. He squatted down, took water into the cup of his hand and asked me, "what do you see?".
I instinctively thought "water".
"No, don't say water or any other words that might describe water like wet or cold. Describe it as though you have never seen water before. What does it look and sound like? What would it's song be?
I looked at the sun glimmering off of his hand, making it look shiny and glassy.
"How does it feel? See it for what it is...as if you were an alien from another planet. How would you describe it to me if I had never seen or felt water?"
He led me to the dry sand and took large handfuls of it.
"Describe the sand... how does it feel? What does it sound like? What would it's song be?"
He then told me to describe the breeze.
"How does it feel on your skin?"
He wanted me to describe it to him as though he'd never been in a body. How would you describe the sensation? Really feel the soft caress and tickle to the tiny hairs on your skin.
This was a short and simple message, but powerful, nonetheless. It taught me how to rediscover the world around me. Empty your cup by throwing out old cookie-cutter ways of describing things and tap into your creative and child-like wonderment. Fill your cup with love and appreciation. These simple things are gifts, and they are things to be remembered.
A Message for Everyone: Rediscovering the World
"You ask so many questions", he said laughing as we walked together in the sand beside the shoreline of a radiant beach.
He took me to the shore where the ocean's waves were rippling over our feet. I kept trying to make out his face, but I couldn't see it clearly. His eyes, though, seemed to shift from a crystalline blue to turquoise. He squatted down, took water into the cup of his hand and asked me, "what do you see?".
I instinctively thought "water".
"No, don't say water or any other words that might describe water like wet or cold. Describe it as though you have never seen water before. What does it look and sound like? What would it's song be?
I looked at the sun glimmering off of his hand, making it look shiny and glassy.
"How does it feel? See it for what it is...as if you were an alien from another planet. How would you describe it to me if I had never seen or felt water?"
He led me to the dry sand and took large handfuls of it.
"Describe the sand... how does it feel? What does it sound like? What would it's song be?"
He then told me to describe the breeze.
"How does it feel on your skin?"
He wanted me to describe it to him as though he'd never been in a body. How would you describe the sensation? Really feel the soft caress and tickle to the tiny hairs on your skin.
This was a short and simple message, but powerful, nonetheless. It taught me how to rediscover the world around me. Empty your cup by throwing out old cookie-cutter ways of describing things and tap into your creative and child-like wonderment. Fill your cup with love and appreciation. These simple things are gifts, and they are things to be remembered.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Be Here Now
I’ve always felt that I was being watched over and taken care of. Things seem to happen in my life where someone or something intervenes so that everything always works out. I took this for granted and had even cut myself off spiritually at times, but it is in those times that I was probably being watched over most closely. Cradled, even.
I have a spirit guide that is very close to me. A psychic has seen him, and I know he’s there because I have seen him, too. I love him. I miss him. I feel that my old tired soul has been around for a long time, and he has always remained with me. At times, I even considered the possibility that maybe in a past incarnation he may have been Jesus (or Christ consciousness), but I cannot validate that. All I know is that I feel that I am missing something… a piece of myself…and that I had this piece once before, but now it is gone. Maybe not entirely *gone*, but just unable to find it here in the physical. I feel that he was once part of me and that we shared a very strong, ethereal love together. I can only reconnect to that feeling at times in dreams and deep in my soul. I want to feel that again in this lifetime. I remember feeling it. I do remember.
In meditation, I’ve spoken to him. I told him how I miss him and how hard this physical life is. I told him about my fear of death. But he assured me that just as we do not remember the moment we “came in” to consciousness--the moment going from not being conscious to being conscious--we shouldn’t imagine that we will experience consciousness ending. We are eternal. Nothing ever disappears completely, but changes to different states. We are made from dust and will return to dust. There is no time, only infinity. I must learn to relish the fact that I AM young and alive. That my being is fresh with opportunity, to learn new things, to love other people and to BE HERE NOW.
We forget that we've been given a gift to experience this physical reality in a body… to feel, to touch, to taste, to make love. To create and to PLAY. To connect with others and be able to express love. To do all of these wonderful things as reflections of the universe. Sometimes we spend too much time in meditation or thinking on our past lives or journeying to other realms. These things are wonderful tools that help us along our soul's path, but if we spend too much time not being present here now, it just becomes another sort of escapism similar to drugs or alcohol. We have to be present in the very bowels of being... no matter how hard it is or how much it can hurt. The universe doesn't perceive things in terms of "good" or "bad". Everything just leads our soul to experience what we are supposed to experience, by whatever means possible.
Someday, when we are discarnate we could look upon this life and our experiences like a child emptying Halloween candy onto the floor. All the experiences are different pieces of candy. Some of the most painful experiences are sometimes the best pieces of candy. Pain means you FELT something. Pain means you Loved. Sure, SweetTarts are ok and there are a lot of them scattered all around... but they're no fucking Reese's.
Ya dig?
Don’t ever be afraid of falling in love. That’s why we are all here, really.
Love unabashedly.
Love recklessly, even.
It’s the most important thing we can share as human beings.
I have a spirit guide that is very close to me. A psychic has seen him, and I know he’s there because I have seen him, too. I love him. I miss him. I feel that my old tired soul has been around for a long time, and he has always remained with me. At times, I even considered the possibility that maybe in a past incarnation he may have been Jesus (or Christ consciousness), but I cannot validate that. All I know is that I feel that I am missing something… a piece of myself…and that I had this piece once before, but now it is gone. Maybe not entirely *gone*, but just unable to find it here in the physical. I feel that he was once part of me and that we shared a very strong, ethereal love together. I can only reconnect to that feeling at times in dreams and deep in my soul. I want to feel that again in this lifetime. I remember feeling it. I do remember.
In meditation, I’ve spoken to him. I told him how I miss him and how hard this physical life is. I told him about my fear of death. But he assured me that just as we do not remember the moment we “came in” to consciousness--the moment going from not being conscious to being conscious--we shouldn’t imagine that we will experience consciousness ending. We are eternal. Nothing ever disappears completely, but changes to different states. We are made from dust and will return to dust. There is no time, only infinity. I must learn to relish the fact that I AM young and alive. That my being is fresh with opportunity, to learn new things, to love other people and to BE HERE NOW.
We forget that we've been given a gift to experience this physical reality in a body… to feel, to touch, to taste, to make love. To create and to PLAY. To connect with others and be able to express love. To do all of these wonderful things as reflections of the universe. Sometimes we spend too much time in meditation or thinking on our past lives or journeying to other realms. These things are wonderful tools that help us along our soul's path, but if we spend too much time not being present here now, it just becomes another sort of escapism similar to drugs or alcohol. We have to be present in the very bowels of being... no matter how hard it is or how much it can hurt. The universe doesn't perceive things in terms of "good" or "bad". Everything just leads our soul to experience what we are supposed to experience, by whatever means possible.
Someday, when we are discarnate we could look upon this life and our experiences like a child emptying Halloween candy onto the floor. All the experiences are different pieces of candy. Some of the most painful experiences are sometimes the best pieces of candy. Pain means you FELT something. Pain means you Loved. Sure, SweetTarts are ok and there are a lot of them scattered all around... but they're no fucking Reese's.
Ya dig?
Don’t ever be afraid of falling in love. That’s why we are all here, really.
Love unabashedly.
Love recklessly, even.
It’s the most important thing we can share as human beings.
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