(Perhaps in sharing this, it could help other people call upon the Holy Spirit to heal deep Father wounds. These father wounds damage our sexuality in a deep way and it can take root in the belly of our being, affecting all our relationships. It’s very difficult when we have been violated by father figures, had absent fathers, or have never had healthy relationships with men. It can be hard to relate to God the Father in Heaven.)
I dedicated some time tonight to meditative prayer while taking a candlelit bath. After calling upon the Father, I proceeded to cry on and off for the first 10-20 minutes. I asked for help, and called on the Holy Spirit. I immediately felt the Holy Spirit come upon me, and it did descend rather like a dove, cloaked in white robes. It was a very commanding spirit (not mean) but told me exactly who it was and what words to say clearly. I repeated the words that came to my mind and I didn't know what I was saying at first. I cannot remember all of what I said, but I know I recited part of the Nicene Creed. (...The Lord the giver of Life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, who with the Father and the Son is adored and glorified, who has spoken through the prophets.) There were words spoken of an espousal of the heart (to put it one way) and I more or less said certain vows. This let me know that I was not alone. And never would be.
I untied the knots that were binding me to anything that was not of God and periodically I would let out hard sighs as I released emotions and any trauma I held in my physical body. At first I asked "Father, reclaim me as your daughter, but as soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew that I had to rephrase that to "Father, I reclaim myself as your daughter." It was something I had to do on my own, as He never left me. I repeated it over and over again until I really felt the sense of "Father" being healed to the depths of my belly. I felt myself, as his creation, being made by his hand and releasing attachment to "father" figures. I felt my connection with the Lord, creator of Life, renewed and with the innocence of an infant, I was made new by the blood of the lamb. I repeated "I am made new by the blood of the lamb" and dunked myself under the water.
It's powerful because everything means something. Words. Our bodies. What we do with our bodies. The rituals we do. What I did was efficacious because I put intention into action. I said the words. I physically dunked myself and that was symbolic. (I've already been baptized as a baby, but this was different.) All symbols have meaning in the physical world. What we do here matters. And that's what I'm supposed to tell all of you. What you do matters. And if what you do matters, in all that you do, the best thing you can do is to Love in every moment. Speak words of Love, may your actions be love. May what you symbolize be love. Bring about love here. Plant real fruit. Don't just habitually do things or enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them. When the Lord said be fruitful, he meant it. Not just fruitful in multiplication, but in all of your being. In all that you do, may you always be planting seeds for the most beautiful fruit to grow. Here and in Heaven. Amen.
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