Father in Heaven,
Help me to Love you as you deserve to be loved. I don't know if my faith is strong enough. There is joy, but punctuated by periods of sobbing on my knees, as I sometimes can't feel you. I often wonder if my moments of consolation and hearing your voice whisper to me were nothing more than hopeful imaginings, happenstance, or even insanity. I try to hold on to that certainty that seems so hard to keep a grasp of; like sand running through my fingers. I hear the Word, but I want to feel it deeper. I understand intellectually the catechism, the theology of the body, the transubstantiation of your body that you lovingly sacrificed, all the words strung together that attempt to define the fierce, consuming fire of your Love. But I want to KNOW that you alone suffice. That only you can satisfy. I need to really believe this. God help me, I want that to be enough. I drill it into my head and heart; thinking maybe others know something that I do not. That they've been struck just right on the head or in their heart to get it. Maybe I get it more than I think I do. Maybe this is precisely what it is happening when you test my faith. Help me to TRUST in you, Lord. And in your plan for me. I stand before you truly naked, with my heart wide open for you. Open me up in my hurt and sufferings and peer into all the corners and cracks of my heart, leaving no dark spaces uncovered. All is visible to you. See the vulnerability and pain--the blood and the vessels and sinewy tissues inside. May all be exposed. Purify my heart and ready me for eternal Union with you. I love you and I yearn for understanding. I yearn for you. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
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