Reading more from Revelations of Divine Love tonight and this stuck with me. Can we love Christ so much more than ourselves that there is no pain that could be worse than his suffering? I was sitting here thinking of how I always thought of Christ as being older than myself, since I look up to him, but he was six years younger than I am now when he died. His poor precious body endured so much pain. If I think of him as my own lover or as my son--as someone whom I love more than myself--there is no worse pain to me than someone I truly love suffering and I would rather take their pain upon myself because I can handle it. I felt the same way with my mother when she was suffering and nearly died. I had always wanted God to heal my spine condition, but when my mom couldn't handle all the pain, I asked God to not heal me, just heal her... and he did. He gave us many blessings. When I thought my mom was dying, it may sound weird, but I thought of her as my "baby". Perhaps I was seeing her as God sees her. All sweet things that suffer needlessly I see as a baby--innocent and vulnerable. Undeserving of pain. Jesus is my "baby", too. Can you see him as your "baby"? Could there be no worse pain to you than seeing your sweet love suffer?
This is also getting closer to answering my questions of how I should relate to and come to Jesus to deepen my relationship with him with lingering father wounds. I had been trying to make sense of the type of intimacy to have with him and how to go about it (without making it sexual). I wanted to approach Jesus with a sanctified heart and able to love purely and without corruption. I have to realize that the type of intimacy is not like that of an earthly father or father figure types who would take of my flesh, but more like that of an innocent baby that *I* want to protect! Someone whose pain I want to take away and can't bear to see them endure it.
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