Saturday, October 15, 2022

Healing from the Wound of Sin (and The Hero's Journey!)


I just watched this video today and it's pretty much exactly what I was thinking on yesterday. I was standing in the kitchen last night, chatting out loud with God as I was cooking dinner. I was thinking back on my past and the things I've done and ways in which I disrespected or misused my body or my sexuality. I started remembering things I had forgotten, even. Then I started thinking, "Wait... wow, I'm a total dumpster fire!" But even though I may always carry the scars of my wounds, I do not regret my past because it has given me an opportunity to come to God with true remorse. To be able to offer this to him and receive his grace. There's a certain gift that comes in the form of our wounds and our deep genuine yearning for forgiveness. If I had not done these things, perhaps the depth of my love, gratitude and my pleas for redemption would be shallow. His healing couldn't get in unless I was first cracked open. I am not perfect. 

When I was younger, I was very much attracted to dark things and the goth and BDSM aesthetic. I was even a dominatrix for a short time back when I was about 19 or 20. When I remembered this yesterday (yeah, I had actually forgotten lol) I was like wow... I can't believe I forgot that part of me, but God remembers... so how will he forgive me? How can I, of all people, aspire to be a saint after doing some of the things I've done? After going to Genitorturers concerts??? After all the stupid situations I put myself in?

I think God enjoys a story of a Hero's Journey just as much as we do. If you're not familiar with The Hero's Journey, it's an archetypal narrative structure found in stories from all around the world, first introduced by Joseph Campbell in his book "The Hero with a Thousand Faces". This fundamental monomyth structure is found in countless stories from Jesus' story to Star Wars to The Matrix and Harry Potter. I remember studying Campbell's structure when I took screenwriting classes in college. We all like watching characters overcome and go through a transformation. Before they come to a transformation though, they must first be called to adventure (in our case following Christ) and then the second step is the refusal of the call (this is maybe where we fall and succumb to sin). Some of the other steps include trials/friends/foes, a moment of despair and ultimately a resurrection of the hero and their return/rebirth.


Maybe I've gone a bit off-topic, but maybe not. My point is, every Hero has wounds. Otherwise, the character would not be relatable, and we wouldn't love them. Realize that God loves you not despite your wounds, but because of them and he yearns for your need. He also delights in your ability to overcome, to bring the elixir or knowledge which is the true reward of your journey and transformation, and to finally return home.


I have to add that I absolutely adore Father Mike Schmitz and I have been scouring through all of his Ascension Presents videos, the Theology of the Body Seminars, as well as his Bible in a Year Podcast (and soon the Catechism in a Year!). He offers so much to the suffering human soul and it's obvious that he really cares about people and has a very pure heart. I believe that God leads me to certain people and things for a reason. I gravitate toward what is good and true, and I feel uneasy, anxious, prickly, sometimes even dizzy or nauseous around those who either do not have pure intentions or are in some way or another "off". The material that I've seen from Fr. Mike (and a few others) has been very uplifting for me and resonates in a way that feels like "home", if that makes sense. Sometimes when I listen to some other speakers, I get a feeling like I'm not good enough, not holy enough, or I don't know enough. I appreciate him and all that he does. I'm very grateful for God leading me to him and all of the enriching, inspiring information he shares. He's such a bright light. 

(By the way, there is absolutely no relation between my blog Ascension Shore and Ascension Presents/Ascension Press. It's pure coincidence.) 

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