“A holy family is a family who lives for God.”

This was the message in today's homily that the priest at my church gave during mass this evening. From the moment I walked in, there was a wound begging to be addressed. The man passing out the bulletins near the entrance, as he always does, asked me where the "little buddy" was, referring to a small child. He's seen me there every week for the past year and a half. Once he realized his mistake he apologized and said he had me confused with someone else. I just thought that was weird, being that the topic of conversation today was about family. The homily our priest gave was very emotional and he got choked up talking about how his father originally didn't want him to be a priest because he wanted him to get married so he would have grandchildren. Then last year, around this exact time, his father was sick and he performed a mass for him at his bedside. He was able to give him his last rites, and seconds after he anointed him with oil, he died. He wondered if his father's last thoughts could have been "Thank God my son is a priest." He went on to discuss the purpose of families and that it's about giving your life. It's not about us, it's about God. A family who lives for God is a holy family. It did leave me teary-eyed on and off for the rest of the evening and on the drive home because I wondered where I even fit into any of that. What is my purpose, then? I don't have a family of my own and I gave up my life for my mother to take care of her, but I didn't *choose* to be single. Life just handed that to me. I do accept whatever God has planned for me, but it's a shame because giving intimate love has always been very important for me. I've struggled with codependency with my mother and after she was sick, establishing healthy boundaries went out the window. I just gave up and figured my purpose was never mine to keep. And that part is true. But she has recovered by the grace of God, and yet I am still alone... just in this limbo state where I still am attached to her and desiring to have a different kind of holy family. She won't be around forever, so if my sole purpose was to live for her and sacrifice for her... where does that leave me when she's gone?