I'll be honest, I have been struggling lately with this. I have been single now for over a year and a half and I am adamant about doing things right this time in my life. I pray that God uses me as he sees fit and that my will conforms to his. I may be single for a long time and I may never be called to marriage, even.
Ultimately, I feel in my soul that no matter the depths a man could possibly reach--physically or emotionally--nothing could fill me and satisfy my deepest longings in my heart but Jesus.
Yes, I have been hurt. I have allowed my body and emotions to be misused. My heart has been broken more times than I can count and by all means, I should be bitter. My heart should be hardened by experience. It should be as withered as my tired soul feels...but it's not. Every day I wake up with a new opportunity to be closer to Christ and to love with the same heart Christ loves. Not just hoping my heart can or will be like his, but to know my heart is one with his. Flesh of my flesh. It already IS his heart, I just have to use it the way Jesus would. And you know what? Maybe I'm a little different, but it doesn't feel too hard to do. I like to think that even though age has taken its toll, and has taken my body with it, I have released myself from the usage my flesh had experienced. Jesus has healed my wounds and purified me. This sanctification happened not only in my body, but in my heart... anew everyday with the ability to Love unabashedly and recklessly. Time has given me wisdom, but has not used me up.
"There's still life in the old lady, yet!!" - Lestat, Interview with the Vampire
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