Blue

Maybe you could show me how to build the wall.

Teach me not to feel and I will never have to fall.

I'll build my island of ice, right beside yours.

It's better not to feel

No hearts get broken here...

He says come inside

come into my bed

come for me, pretty girl

don't worry your head

about what this is or where it's going

Just get down

and feel me feel nothing

feel me

feel nothing

feel me feel...

nothing.

Feel...

This place is so cold

and maybe you could show me how to build the wall.

Paint it blue, and I will promise not to fall.

I'll build my island of ice

right beside yours.

It's better not to feel

Hearts get broken this way

It's better not to feel

what's the point of letting love in anyway?

Show me how...

All the other damaged boys are hiding down inside.

Show me how...

to make my warm heart so cold it cracks open wide.

Teach me to slip and slide through the darkness and still land on my feet

Rub pain out of my eyes... and sleep.

Eyes of Blue and Broken Glass

Her soul is screaming her awake
Sleeping for decades under settled dust
She’s been gone so long
Even the nightingales lament her songs
Eyes of blue and broken glass

She’s been searching for eternity it seems
Scouring Earth, cosmos, ether and dreams
Standing at the threshold
She cannot pass
Eyes of blue and broken glass

Laying waste to her heart’s whispered truth
Pillaging remnants of her innocent youth
Collecting her vengeance, on a soul-sick path
She lies awake dreaming of rising from ash
Eyes of blue and broken glass

Sour Boy Pie

I once lifted my eyes
To see a great gap in the sky
There was a place for me
A path so clear and luminous
The ache faded away for a while--that dark and empty hole inside
But now it’s calling me back
And it’s begging to eat up all that was my light

I probably would have come to hate you
You probably would have gotten bored
I probably would have laid beside you, feeling all alone
I probably would have cried in the dark
While you were turned the other way
It wouldn’t have ended well, no not at all

The light was never yours, it was always my own
Reflecting off of you
I couldn’t see through
All the smoke to see you’re just my mirror
You saw just what you wanted to see
I didn’t really see you, all along it was me

Down, you hide
Down, inside
Behind a mask
There’s no need for truth
There’s no need for promises.
There’s no need for reasons why
There’s no need to say goodbye

I probably would have come to hate you
You probably would have gotten bored
I probably would have laid beside you, feeling all alone
I probably would have cried in the dark
While you were turned the other way
It wouldn’t have ended well, no not at all

(You never stole anything  of mine
I’ve had my slice of  sour boy pie
I’ve got my bottle of wine
The moon and I will be lovers tonight )

Cosmic Whisper

I heard you whisper in my ear a thousand years ago
In a dream
Set in motion
All I had to do was find you

Felt a tugging at my core
And followed will and wind
Rode the spiral to the end
I was wrong again

With billions of galaxies beyond the milky way
How naive to think that my emotions are significant in any way
In the great expanses of space...
But I still can’t see your face.

We’re all so broken
But I’m not as broken as you
The pain is like an old familiar friend
A late-night bed guest
Coming around to climb inside from time to time

After a while, I miss his taste
I learn to like his
icy embrace
He feeds on my tears and
I feed on...
I feed on the rage

With billions of galaxies beyond the milky way
How naive to think that my emotions are significant in any way
In the great expanses of space...
But I still can’t see your face.

Seeking to find a soul similar to my own
Searching for mirrors
Always finding my shadow
No matter how many times I’m spurned
I refuse to build a wall

Red lights are flashing but I walk on through
Barriers are all around but I still go to you
The flag is waving, but I can’t see clearly
Strike me down and make me crumble
I still haven’t learned

With billions of galaxies beyond the milky way
How naive to think that my emotions are significant in any way
In the great expanses of space...
But I still can’t see your face.

After the Frost

After the Frost

Dark, hollow silence
There’s nothing left to feel
Digging down into the depths
Hitting steel
Waiting for a meaningful thought
Aching for desire
Nothing coming in, nothing going out
Toss the empty cauldron to the pyre
The eidolons are swarming
And waiting at the gate
The clock is ticking
Motionless
The time has come, don’t hesitate
I’ll want you until you love me
There’s something wrong beneath these eyes
I’ll search for you until you find me
Then I’ll run and hide
I’ll be the longing lustful devil’s breath
That whispers in your scarlet dreams
Wrapped in velvet mystery, spinning--
I could be anything
Until you know my secret skin
I take such care to hide within
You look into my soul, forgiving
My damaged heart--it’s not worth saving
Leave your footprints at my door
I sweep away the dust
I’ll break your heart too many times
Recover me, after the frost

-Nicole Tancredi 2/3/09

the rantings of a lunatic on a sunday night...

Dig deeper, my tired friend

Walk the earth alone in those old dirty shoes

Remember lying on your back on hills of green

The dark gray skies above made you feel at home

Alive

The rain falling from the sky

Flowing through your body…

Only you understand

This hypnotic dance with the waves,

Immersed in their velvet embrace

Your tears are pure and beautiful agony

Don't shut the door

Don't bury her

Don't forget who you are

Broken and flawed and ruined -- you

Scratch away the skin

Peer into all of the holes

Don't be afraid to fall

Through the black, tar-covered, viney arms…

The darkness that you see

Is only your creation

You are ONE

So dig deeper, you good old weary soul

Find the fire and don't snuff it out

Don't be afraid to burn

In all your glory, all your rage

All your bruised insides ablaze

Breathe it in and push it out

Open up those wounds

Crack open

The deepest, blackest, most calcified secret truth

Don't lose your way, my dear

I'd hold your hand

But you can't see me

I am the hole in your heart

Denied, forgotten

Where have you gone?

Watermelon in Easter Hay

by Frank Zappa.

I AM that song right now. I am the chords that are being strummed, I am the rhythm, I am.... that music. 
(That voice)
It screams
Anesthetize me! Any way you can.... make sure it lasts, so you can forget. No more anger, no more pain. You can make it all go away... push it all down in a deep, dark, secret place, until the anger subsides. 
(That voice)
It strokes my hair and tells me it's okay to let go. You can go on breathing another day. One day you'll wake up and the pain will be gone. Just rest easy tonight and let your heart break the way it shall.
(That voice) 
It spoke muffled and cracked. But I can hear it again. It's trying so hard to speak to me. It has been for so long. If I come with arms open, it will embrace me. It always will. It always has.

Part of me dies, and there is a rebirth. The child inside me awakens from an ancient slumber.
My heart plays an imaginary guitar solo just for me, and I keep going on.