Intro to My Mom's Story + "Why Doesn't God Heal Everybody?"

For over 20 years I suffered with chronic pain from cervical spinal stenosis, and I would cry out to God on the floor. It wasn't until my mom was near death that I asked Jesus to not heal me, just heal her... and he did. I'm used to suffering, she is not and cannot endure so much. It's not about me, and it's not even about my mom. But it is about Love--God's love. When he does heal, it's a demonstration of his power and his ability to perform miracles. Jesus needed me to put my faith in him. He needed all of this to happen. So that I may be a witness of Grace. I left behind what may have been my last chance at having a family, and I found myself offering my life completely to God. I asked for his will to be done and I gave up trying to control anything. I struggled for so long in my life and I realized what needed to happen. I was pushing against the current. I had to allow him to enter to do his work in my life, and I had to put my life at the foot of the cross for Jesus. We may all be on borrowed time, but he used this situation as an opportunity to bring more of his body to himself. 

I was afraid to share the whole story about my mom, even to loved ones, because people might ask the very question proposed in this video--why hasn't God healed me? Some might even become angry or resentful that my mom got better. Perhaps even revolt against God. My boyfriend at the time had just lost his father and I didn't want my mom's healing to hurt him or his relationship with God even more. He was already so angry with God. I was afraid of any bad energy toward my mom, even if it's subconscious from well-meaning, good Christians. I also feared that if I talked about it, that it could all be taken away. Most of all, I didn't want my talking about it to take away from the glory of God by making it MY story. I only want it to glorify him in my telling it.

Another reason I haven't spoken much about it is because I have had to compartmentalize everything that happened (much of it was traumatic) and put it in a little box on a shelf in order to do the job I do now and be there 100% for the elderly memory care residents I work with. I never really had time to rest and process everything... I had to keep moving forward. I went from being a full-time caregiver for my mom to a caregiver for my job, while still helping to care for her at home. We were in a bad place financially, so God brought the job opportunity to me right when we needed it--at the same rehabilitation facility she stayed at for a while, in fact. 

I will probably share my mom's story in segments or even make a video, since it might be more sincere to do so. I haven't made a video of myself in a long time, so we'll see how I feel about that and how that goes.

Last little thing... When I first came back to Utah from Florida a year ago for my mom, I didn't sleep for six days. I didn't have anyone to help me when she came back from the hospital. I have no siblings, no children, and no husband to lean on. My aunt is the only family member here in Utah and she couldn't help to the extent I needed. I was alone, stressed to the max and up all night each night because my mom needed constant supervision and assistance getting to the bathroom and she was still very sick and in tremendous pain. They sent her home (the first time) with no skilled nursing or home health care. I had to go to an Insta-Care clinic because my heart felt like it was racing, and I was having auditory hallucinations. Every time I tried to sleep or almost nodded off, I would hear noises, voices speaking conversationally, or I'd hear Oingo Boingo--like actually Danny Elfman's voice singing. Haha that was pretty weird. I suppose it could be worse. I had been listening to a lot of Oingo Boingo.