Angel

A while ago, a friend gave me a copy of the complete Conversations with God (trilogy) by Neale Donald Walsch.  In it, there was an old bookmark with an angel on it.  The angel was my exact likeness.  She has my features and some of my mom's features... the eye shape and everything.  Here is an excerpt from the bookmarked page (p.31)...

My purpose in creating you, My spiritual offspring, was for Me to know Myself as God.  I have no way to do that *save through you*.  Thus, it can be said (and has been many times) that My purpose for you is that *you* should know yourself as *Me*

Astral Lover or Lucid Dream?

Edit 10/14/22: 

Content warning - 

If you choose to read on, this post details an experience of a sexual interaction with a spirit. I do not condone this and realize at this point, that as loving and beautiful as it seemed at the time and as "special" as it made me feel, ultimately this experience was demonic. I fully regret this experience and I advise against engaging in this. 

Earlier today I took a 30 minute nap before getting ready to go out.  I had my alarm set so I wouldn't oversleep, and during the 9 minutes the snooze button gives me between it's annoying buzzing, I had a rather strange experience. I was in that half-asleep state of consciousness and aware of my physical body lying in my bed. Slightly startled at first, I realized that it felt like I was being held by someone and I couldn't move my body.  Very quickly, that tension dissipated because I felt it was a loving embrace and I sank into it.  I still had my eyes mostly closed and didn't want to open them fully yet because I was afraid that I would lose the sensations in that state of consciousness.

I let the feeling happen.  It was a familiar presence.  I felt the energy of this being on top of me...gently touching my skin... holding my face and kissing my neck.  I tilted my head back and felt slow, passionate kisses from my neck to my lips. His body contoured to mine perfectly and we moved like waves.  I asked him (not verbally) to make love to me.  I felt our ethereal bodies going through the motions of making love, but my physical body was not moving.  It's hard to explain this sensation, but when I felt him enter me, the feeling was coming from WITHIN ME.  It wasn't like physical sex at all... it was like merging with pure love.  This didn't last long, however.  As soon as we started, a female voice began speaking monotonously like reading instructions over an intercom and all I remember hearing were the words "eternal damnation".  I think I asked him what she was saying, but he stopped and I felt sad.  I think it's something he is not supposed to do when interacting with the physical realm, so maybe it was a warning. He left soon after and when he did, I opened my eyes. 

I'm not sure what to make of this, but it felt real.  It wasn't until after I had been out and about for an hour or so that I started to doubt it was an astral experience and that it maybe was just a dream.  I've never really felt anything like it.  I have been opening back up to connecting with my guides again lately, and I imagine that this familiar spirit might be the same one who always seems to come up in my visions.

Self-healing Meditation

"When you know that all is light, you are enlightened."

That was the saying written on my little Yogi tea bag this morning.  Oddly enough, that was the very essence of my experience of today as a whole.

After a pretty good work out, I decided to sit down and meditate, which I hadn't done with full focus for a rather long time. 

I've come to realize that even if a vision of a spiritual nature has colorful lights and sounds and profound images, none of it means anything if you don't LEARN something from it.  In order for it to have any significance, it should make you find something within yourself which needs work, and you must find power within yourself to take responsibility and become better from it.  Otherwise, it's just a bunch of pretty pictures, and no "enlightenment" is really experienced.  In practical terms, to enlighten something, you shine a light on darkness, exposing what was hidden.  There must first be darkness.  To enlighten is to make it seen, to make it "come to light".  Then you do work.  It is not given to you.

I began by working on clearing blockages and past hurt associated with parts of my body.  Muscles store memory, and tension makes for blocked energy channels... all tied up like knots.  My goal was to truly open up to receive love and light.  A familiar guide came to me during my meditation and she appeared as a goddess surrounded by light.  She had long dark hair and a strong, confident presence.  She was helping me to heal myself as she laid me back into her arms, my body partly submerged in water.  She was cupping water in her hand and pouring it over my body. 

After I sat up, she stood before me and kissed my head and let me know that I am OF LOVE and filled with light.  I had a protective barrier around me, which repelled things that were of low energy vibrations.  I confronted a particular negative energetic being and built up my confidence in my own will and affirmed that I am made of light and love. I didn't let my will falter or my light dim.  I knew this darkness well, as it has followed me all of my life, almost as if it lusted after me, and I would so often give in to it, as it wanted. I stood proud and firmly, telling it that I belong to the light.  I even told it to go to love and light, itself.  I felt it shrink down and cower. I felt an ecstatic sensation of being "embraced by light".  It was an amazing feeling.  Like goosebumps from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and throughout my insides.  It was like I was moving through something or something was moving through me, like a wave.  Something that had always tried to come through, but couldn't pass.  It was as if loving light energy burst from every pore on my skin.  I didn't feel my limbs anymore, but only felt myself lifted.  When I opened my eyes, I slowly began wiggling my fingers and toes.  I stood, drank some water, and noticed as I passed by a mirror, that some sort of darkness had been lifted from my face.  My eyes were bright, my skin even seemed to be glowing.  

I don't believe one needs to be part of some elite group or quantify their skills at healing as a "level 3 master" or some such hogwash.  What it comes down to is the intention of love to help facilitate healing when you pray or meditate.

 

I know I must continue to do this healing work.  With this, I will better be able to be a vehicle for helping to heal others as well, especially in my massage practice.  This experience was renewing and much needed.  I'm very thankful for feeling this today.  :)

Are you killing your inner child? ... And getting away with it?

Most of the nation is not only shocked by today's outcome of the lengthy and drawn out case against Casey Anthony, but emotionally drained as well.  Some are downright sick of hearing about it, and some people are very angry that justice was not done for little Caylee Anthony.  Rather than becoming emotional or angry or pointing fingers of blame, what can we learn about ourselves from the Casey Anthony trial?
What metaphor do you think this might reflect within ourselves?

Many metaphors can be derived from this, involving the concepts of truth and justice.  In black and white, the most prevalent thing I see about the situation itself is that it represents a child, an innocent, being abused and killed and there is no accountability or responsibility being taken.

If the events of the outer world are energetic ripples of our inner state, what is this case in particular showing us about our inner states? 

I know there is a part of myself that neglects and abuses the innocent child that exists within me.  It happens over and over, yet never do I take responsibility to realize this abuse and stop it.  It continues on and I keep GETTING AWAY WITH IT.  It happens every time I cut myself down or degrade myself in little ways.  Every time I lose faith in myself or fail to see my worth, when I don't feel I deserve something or when I feel I need to stop fantasizing and grow up.  I deny the child, silence it, and keep it in a dark, enclosed place.

Can you think of any ways in which you might be abusing your inner child?  Have you denied him/her?  Have you pushed the child down into some unseen place or forgotten him or her?  Are you currently punishing this child for some reason?

Are too many of us doing this without even realizing or caring?  Can we begin fixing this?  We need to get our minds right.  Everything starts from within.  "As within, so without".

The world is sick.  It needs healing.  Let's start within ourselves.

A letter to myself: age 5

Little Nicole,

The people that are in your life right now might not always be around to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.  You are going to have to know, deep in your heart, that you are worth it.  And you are.  People get old, sometimes become ill, and pass away.  You have to be okay on your own and always remember that you have tremendous strength inside of you.  You are loved and you are complete on your own.

I’m so sorry.  I’m so very sorry. 

Someday, you will lose sight of your joy, your passions.  You will feel lost and alone sometimes.  Your heart will become slightly calcified and you will feel the need to learn to become cold.  People can be mean and hurtful, and they will make you feel bad about yourself.  People don’t always know how to love.  You will get hurt many times and you’ll find that people will not be capable of loving you with the same capacity that you are able to give.  No matter what, don’t lose sight of what you really want and what you deserve.  Keep that in your mind and heart always, and don’t let anyone take that away or make you feel that you deserve any less.  Don’t forget the things that give you the most joy.  What do you want to be more than anything?  What do you want to create all the time?  Don’t let anyone or anything make you feel that what you create isn’t good enough.  You ARE special.

I’m so sorry.

One day, you’ll be 27 years old, lying on your bed and crying.  But you can change things.  You can change them now. 

I’m not sure what happened, but it’s no one’s fault.  The world is a harsh and hurtful place.  Just remember to not forget.  Don’t let go of that happiness and wonderment.  Most of all, love yourself.  Let it shine through in everything you do, and never be scared to be who you truly are.  I’m sorry.  Please forgive me.  I love you. 

~Nicole~

Coming Home

So close, yet never close enough
I want to crawl inside
Wrap myself within the warmth
Of this sanctifying light

I taste that familiar oneness I once felt
Each time my waves crash to the shore
This skin brings pleasures plenty
But I'm yearning to taste more

It calls me home
to a place that I remember
Reclaim sacred breath
Present in the heart center

Come, into full power
Come, hard enough for the angels to hear
Come, liberate me from all of my fears

Come, Home.

Another "End of Days" dream. Kind of funny.

I had a dream about the end of days.  Different races, people from all over the world… in one place.  Like some abandoned warehouse or mall (perhaps it was an airport), with people clustered in groups, many of them naked and dancing… displaying their precisely-placed tattoos.  There was a war going on, and all of these people were gathered together as some sort of rebellion… We knew that we were all gathered there for some great purpose.  Higher consciousness.

There was a woman giving 5-minute healing sessions to each person from each group.  I made a cynical remark about what a 5-minute session could do and the woman overheard and was going to not give me a session.  I realized I was being negative and cynical and apologized.  She quickly accepted my apology.  I was also not wearing pants.  A girl I used to know from my early high school days was there in my little group of people.  People were getting high and taking substances.  There was some guy next to me,  sitting naked against a wall, talking to a couple of people about his tattoo (apparently it was a green lotus or something…actually tattooed around his asshole. LOL)  He was lifting up his legs to show people, and he wasn’t very well-endowed.

Someone must have given me mushrooms in the dream.  As I was waking up, I felt like I was chewing on a mushroom.